Science Jokes: Part I

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge." Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn't put it down? Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!" Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They're cheaper than day rates. What element do women use to get dates? Tellurium What did the chemist say to a chic babe when he passed by her in his sports car? Radon baby! Where does one put the dishes? Zinc What does one do if one can't zwim? Zinc What happens when electrons lose their energy? They get Bohr'ed. What are? What is Ba(Na)2 ? Banana What is NaCl(aq), NaCl(aq), C C C C C C C ? Saline, saline, over the seven Cs What do you do when you find a dead chemist? Barium. What is the purpose of a doctor? Helium. What do you call a convict who dresses up as a clown? Silicon. From way down in my cranium This prediction I will make: That if you eat uranium, You'll get atomic ache.

Quote of the Week:

Housework is a breeze. Cooking is a pleasant diversion. Putting up a retaining wall is a lark. But teaching is like climbing a mountain.

~Fawn M. Brodie-

Quote of the Week:

Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin.

~Grace Hansen-

"Fashionably Late to School?"

Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?
Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing

Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload.

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: My little sister ate it!

Teacher: Why were you late?
Pupil: Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
Teacher: It's three in the afternoon!

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away

Quote of the Week:


Perfection is attained by slow degrees; it requires the hand of time.

~Francois Voltaire~

Science Jokes


What part of your body has the best sense of humor?
Your funny bone.
What part of your body is the noisiest?
Your ear drum.
What's the noisiest part of your hand?
Your ring finger.
What part of your mouth has the best vision?
Your eye teeth.
What can you hold but never touch?
Your temper.
Why is blood so boring?
It always runs on in the same vein.
How does Dracula get blood from a meteorologist?
From the weather vein (vane).
How did the meteorologist feel about clouds?
Pretty cirrus (serious).
What did the weatherman get when he stepped outside into the storm?
A cold front.
Why did the weatherman bring a bar of soap to work?
He was predicting showers.

Quote of the Week:

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

~Walter Elliott -

The Poetic Heart

Everybody loves a little romance.
Think Cupid.
Think Valentines.
Think the heart.
Throughout the ages, poets have used the heart as a symbol of love and romance.
Read some poems about the heart.
Try writing your own poem about the heart.
Think romantic.Look at another kind of Heart Poem.
The Heart Alone
--->

Quotes For Teachers: Be Inspired!

FEATURED QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

"The least expensive education is to profit from the mistakes of ourselves and others." (Anonymous)

"The ones whom you should try to get even with are the ones who have helped you." (Anon.)

"A true test of a man's(woman's) character is not what he(she) does in the light, but what he(she) does in the dark." (Anonymous)

"It is in identifying yourself with the hopes, dreams, fears and longings of others that you may understand them and help them." (W.A. Peterson)

"What sculpture is to a block of marble, education is to a human soul" (J. Addison)

"As a general rule, teachers teach more by what they are than by what they say" (Anonymous)

"In youth we learn; in age we understand" (Von Ebner-Eschenbach)

"You can always tell luck from ability by its duration." (Anonymous)

"Humility does not mean you think less of yourself. It means you think of yourself less." - Ken Blanchard

"The beginning is always today." -Mary Wollstonecraft

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." -MARCEL PROUST

"Bad Report Card"

Quote of the Week:

The main part of intellectual education is not the acquisition of facts but learning how to make facts live.

~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Lesson 2

1.Subject Name:
Biology
2. Lesson Title:
Cell Biology: Cell Structure and Function
3. Lesson Description:
This lesson is designed for the student's to have an overview about cell. The lesson covers the parts of cell, both the major as well as its organelles and its functions.
4. Learning Outcomes:
After this lesson, student's are expected to:
a. describe a cell
b. identify the major parts of a cell
c. identify the structure of the cell organelles and give its function.
5. Review of Previous Learning:a.Recall on the discovery of the cell.On this site please...
b.Who are the scientists behind the formulation of the cell theory?Click this site...More about the cell theory...
6. Learning Presentation:
Concept 1: What is a cell?The cell is one of the most basic units of life. There are millions of different types of cells. There are cells that are organisms onto themselves, such as microscopic amoeba and bacteria cells...More about cell...
Concept 2: Present the structure of a cell. Let them identify the major parts of it.Click here...
Concept 3: What is meant by organelles? What are its function? Want to know more about cell organelles? Click here...
7. Learning Activities:
Activity # 1 - How are cells organized?Describe the organization of cells in an organism.
Activity # 2 - Did the discovery of the cell important?How did the discovery of the cells change the world?
Activity # 3 - Identifying cells organelles...Try this one...
Activity # 4 - Crossword Puzzle...Click this site...
8. Learning Evaluation Rubrics:
Refer to this site...
9. Lesson On-line Test
Let's see if you really understand the topic.Click this site...
10. Assignment:
a.Read about tissues and its classification.More about tissues...
b.What are the four tissues that makes up the human body?More on this site...

11. References:
a.http://www.alltheweb.com/search?cat=web&cs=utf8&q=cells&rys=0&itag=crv&_sb_lang=pref
b.http://msxml.webcrawler.com/info.wbcrwl/search/web/cell+structure/1/-/1/-/-/-/1/-/-/-/_blank/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/417/top/-/-/-/0
c.http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=cells&fr=yfp-t-501&toggle=1&cop=mss&ei=UTF-8&vc=&fp_ip=PH

12. Disclaimer and Copyrights Notices

Lesson 1

1. Subject Name:
Biology
2. Lesson Title:
Introduction to Genetics
3. Lesson Description :This lesson is intended for the students to understand the concepts of genetics.With this, they will be fascinated by the work of Gregor Mendel and how the principles of genetics came about.
4. Learning Outcomes:
After this undertaking, students are expected to:
a.Appreciate the work of Gregor Mendel
b.Understand basic genetics terminologies
c.Explain the Different Principles of Genetics
5. Review of Previous Learning
a.Recapitulation on organ and organ system.More from this site...
b.Name and give the functions of the different organ system of human.Refer to this site...
6. Learning Presentation
a.Read the Life of Gregor Mendel ...Want to know more about Mendel?
b.Introduce the basic terminologies used in understanding genetics... Important terms to remember...
c.State the different principles of genetics .To know more about this..Click here...
7. Learning Activities
Activity # 1 Study the characterictics of garden pea used by Gregor Mendel as the subject of his experiment...Contrasting traitsof garden pea
Activity # 2 Try crossing contrasting traits of the garden pea to explain the principles of genetics.Try some crosses...Practice test...
8. Learning Evaluation Rubrics:

9. Lesson On-Line Test:
Let's see how much you understand this lesson.Are you ready?This site please...
10. Assignment:
a.Distinguish incomplete dominance from codominance and the latter from multiple allelism Visit this site... .More on this site...
b.Read the works of Thomas Morgan..On this site...
c.How is sex determined in an organism?Click here...
11. References:
a.
b.
c.
12. Disclaimer and Copyright Notices